Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
