I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
