I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
