I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
even my farts smell like vagina
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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