Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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