What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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