My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
