I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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