there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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