you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
