i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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