dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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