Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
