so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
