You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
