plz talk dirty to me
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
