just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
