i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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