Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
