On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
