My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
