textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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