Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
