Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
