Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
