one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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