I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
