he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
