I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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