I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
