All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
