I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
