Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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