If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
