I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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