I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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