Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
