he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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