wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
