I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
