So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
