So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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