I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
