Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
