I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I deserve this hangover.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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