toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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