How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
