We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
