your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
