She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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