Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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