So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am one with the molecules
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
