just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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