I can text with my tongue
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
