Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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