Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
