I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
