somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
