She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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